Bad relationships and failures: it’s all the partner’s fault ?

We can learn to be alone and, over time, learn that it is enough for us. There’s no denying it, though, human beings are a lot like other people social animals and the search for a stable and peaceful relationship is a desire that belongs to us in some way. But then, how is it that even brilliant men and women can fall into bad relationships and failures ?

Why we fall in love ?

Every human being is looking for relationships. Whether it is by friendship or love, Man has been “programmed” by Mother Nature to live in contact with his fellow man.

Unlike other animals, which act in this way primarily to protect the herd and preserve the species, in humans, complex emotional factors also come into play.

We are not only looking for friendships to feel protected, but also to satisfying our desire for complicity, to expand our biological family to a circle of like-minded people. Thus, we do not look for a partner only to procreate, but also and above all to satisfy our sexual desires and emotional affinities, to find a partner with whom we can grow.

Falling in love is a difficult mechanism to explain because it is composed of biological, neurological and psychological elements.

Much depends on physical and mental attraction, but the search for our ideal of love is just as important. A hope, a promise, a desire for a feeling that we shape in our unconscious from our experiences, especially through the parental imprint, and that we project onto the other.

Where do bad relationships come from? ?

We can divide the vast world of bad relationships into 2 large families. The first is for the most serious and dangerous situations, those where the The partner is obsessive or violent, suffocating or prevaricating.

These are toxic relationships from which it is essential to get out as soon as possible to preserve one’s physical and mental well-being.

But next to these dangerous situations, there is a second, broader category, which concerns all the relationships that simply, at some point, enter into crisis and end. In these cases, the fault does not necessarily lie with the other person, on the contrary. The root of most bad relationships is the tendency to project our ideal of love onto the other person, without realizing that we are feeding our feelings from an illusory and watered-down vision of the partner.

When we fall in love, we tend to see only the good side of the other person and especially to project all our expectations on him/her. Our brains start to fantasize, building a hypothetical future that is not validated by the other person, but in which we place blind trust.

Failure as an opportunity

When the dream is shattered by a partner who is not necessarily bad, but simply does not match our ideal, what to do ? The wisest response would be to end the relationship and cherish the experience, but the reality is quite different.

Yes, because most of us, instead of admitting that they have been carried away by an illusion, people persist in trying to mould their partner into the image of their ideal.

The result ? A lot of effort, tension and pain wasted. We even come to think that the fault is ours, that we deserve a partner who does not satisfy us, that perhaps love as we imagine it does not exist after all. But there is only one truth: when a bad relationship ends, the blame is never put on one side.

The bad man or woman does not always exist. We are human and therefore imperfect.

The great challenge that bad relationships present to us is to growing by learning to listen to ourselves. Analyzed with a clear head, our failures in love allow us to understand a lot about ourselves, what we need and what we should eliminate forever from our lives.

It’s up to you..

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